Scream Queens: “Dorkus” & “The Final Girl(s)”

Here we are, at the end of another TV recap series for me. This series has really changed the game for how TV can be. It pushed the boundaries and crossed the line but that is what makes it so unique. We’ve been wondering all season who the last RD was and we finally figure it out. But let me forewarn you, just because we figure it out doesn’t mean justice is served. Or maybe it was. You can be the judge.

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We left last week with Pete telling Grace that he was a murderer. He explains everything to her. The night the security guard was killed, he followed the RD to the Dickie Dollar Scholar House and discovered it was Boone. Boone explained everything to him and Pete realized their missions were the same. He admitted to killing Rodger or Dodger, he can’t remember which one but it did it with a nail gun to the head. He also killed Boone and hit Chanel with the cross bow while killing one of Denise Hempfield cops. He told Grace about what really happened last year between him and Chanel. She lead him on for months saying she wanted to experiment sexually with a guy who wasn’t a three pump chump like Chad Radwell. She told him her “deepest darkest” fantasy (Daryl Hanna and Clan of the Cave Bear) and he was happy to oblige because he had never had a girlfriend before. He came into her room dressed like an indian and the Chanels all laughed at him. He wanted his revenge for being degraded like that. He also found out who the other baby and murderer was by stealthily collecting DNA from Chanel, #3, #5 & Hester. Before he is able to telling her, the RD jumps out from his closet and stabs him to death.

Chanel was really pissed last week that no one would come help her kill the Dean. She sent a horrible, horrible email to the Chanels and Zayday. Well, it turns out that the RD, who again is one of those 5 girls, sent this email out to everyone in her contacts and it went viral. Chanel was named by CNN the worst person alive and the most hated person in America. The only thing she could do at this point is kill herself. She ordered a venomous snake online so she could go out the way Cleopatra did. Zayday comes in just in time to convince her that she still has people that will be there for her and the snake is actually a garter snake. If there is one thing the SQ writers did right, it was Zayday’s speech about life being too precious and suicide shouldn’t even be joked about.

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The RD finds a time to attack, but when Zayday and Chanel joined forces and ripped his mask off they noticed he is just a delivery guy with dynamite strapped to his back. He exploded right there in the foyer, but nothing nor anyone was harmed – except for the pizza delivery guy, of course. Chanel tells everyone that they need to move on from the random guy exploding and focus on what’s really important… restoring her reputation. In order to do that, she needs to go on an apology tour like all the politicians.

In order to figure out who the other baby is, Grace and Zayday need to get the files of all 5 girls. They also need Wes to take one for the team, and by taking one for the team, they mean sleep with Dean Munsch so they can get everyone’s personal files off of her computer. While Wes is doing questionable things with the Dean, Grace and Zayday find a file that is completely fabricated. Like, this girl went to Sweet Valley High, scored 1 million percent on her SATs and has an SSN 123-45-6789. They know who the killer is.

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Chanel, #3 & #5 all go to pay Melanie Dorkus a visit. Hester was supposed to meet them, but she is too busy going through Chanel’s closet. #5 leaves before they can meet Melanie because someone finally swiped right on her Tinder profile. Both seem suspicious. Chanel makes a small attempt to apologize to Melanie, but that lasts for a whole 10 seconds before she tries to stab her with the scissors. Chanel thinks she is the murderer. She came back from Alaska a week before the killings started. That’s the only evidence she has. Zayday and Grace come in just in time to tell them that Hester is the killer!! When they get back to the Kappa House, they find Hester in Chanel’s closet with a stiletto through her eye. She wakes up to point at #5 and yell RED DEVIL!

We now skip a month to January 2016 where the Kappa’s house has a room full of girls. Zayday is the president, Grace is the vice president and the treasurer is Hester. The dialogue moves from Zayday to Hester talking to us – the viewers. She now has a eye patch which is just temporary and wants to tell us how she was able to pull off the perfect murderous plan.

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She explained that growing up in a mental institute was hard, but when Gigi finally snapped out of her depression, the three of them began planning their revenge. When she was finally old enough to attend Wallace, she needed a persona to hide behind. She thought the neck brace would give her the best advantage because people don’t ask questions to the weird and gross people. You’re probably wondering how she got away with it and what happened to the Chanels?

You’re also probably thinking “what kind of person can shove a 6 inch stiletto into her own eye socket?!” A person who did her homework, that’s who! And you also have to be completely freaking insane. When Hester returns from the hospital, Grace and Zayday still try to pin all the murders on her but she seems to have an answer for everything. Even her missing parents, who happen to show up just in time. They are also super awkward, which no one picks up on. Also, showing up in time are #5’s parents to tell the group that Gigi paid them to adopt her and make sure she joined Kappa. We flash to another scene where #5’s parents tell Hester that they’ve hated her since she started talking and they’d do whatever it takes to get her out of their lives. Some good hearted people right here.

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#5 isn’t the only killer, Hester claims #3 is in on it too. She knows for a fact that #5 & #3 are working together. #3 left the bar early one night to go back to the Kappa House because she needed to go to the bathroom really badly on the same night deaf  that Taylor Swift was killed. Coincidence? Not according to Hester. She also has a certified letter from #3’s psychiatrist saying she has a split personality disorder. She calls her other personality, Dirty Helen. #3 seems to believe everything Hester is saying and is convinced she is the killer too. Before Denise arrests #3 & #5, Hester has one more thing up her sleeve.

Chanel can’t get away unscratched. Hester has security footage of a blonde buying murder supplies at a home improvement store. She has as a diners club statement proving the purchases were made. All fingers point to Chanel. No one seems to find it suspicious at all that Hester has all the answers. All three are arrested and put to trial.

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May 2016. Chad and Denise broke up and he pledged to donate all proceeds from Dickie Dollars parties to charity. Dean Munsch wrote a best seller about feminism. She didn’t actually write the book but she became famous. The Radwells donated a memorial for everyone who was lost last year with a touching inscription written by Chad. The Dean knows Hester is the killer but she doesn’t want to go to jail for the murder of her ex-husband and the girl in the bath tub. So the two agree to move on. Again, I’m sure you’re asking yourself – what happened with all of the Chanels??

The Chanels were about to be acquitted of all charges until Chanel insults everyone on the jury and they changed their minds to guilty on all 47 counts. The threesome elected to represent themselves on the capital murder charges even though they know absolutely nothing about the law. They sleep through their own trial. Their defense was screaming at the jury that they didn’t kill anybody but threaten to kill the jury if they found them gulity. The Chanels are sentenced to life in prison at the Palmer Asylum for the Insane. Of course, the Chanels came out smelling like roses. Turns out the asylum was just a big sorority house for them to rule, where no one talked back and did whatever they wanted. #3 went full lez and fell in love with one of the lesbian nurses. #5 was on meds that made her tolerable and she became best friends with Chanel. And Chanel was elected Palmer house president. We leave this hilariously dark series with Chanel climbing into her bed and the RD standing over her.

What did you guys think?? Can’t wait for another season?? I wonder where they will go with it next but I can’t wait to find out. Until next time my sweet, sweet friends!

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Tami
I’m 24… living the dream of a 1D fangirl. When I’m not obsessing over each and every one of them, I’m working full time as a recruiter and helping people find work. I love my family, I have the best friends a gal could ask for and I have the cutest pit bull named Jaida. I spend most evenings watching YouTube videos, browsing Pinterest and watching This is Us. How many times is too many times to watch that movie? The limit does not exist…

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