1-8 list: Hogwarts Houses

Years before One Direction was formed that fateful day in July. Ages prior to Michael deciding to open his heart to Luke. Before Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, Myspace, and even MSN Messenger, I was a fangirl. I didn’t know I was a fangirl. I didn’t even knows what a fangirl was. But I sat in my room in my Harry Potter footie PJ’s, wrapped in my Harry Potter knit blankey, eating my Harry Potter Danish butter cookies while re-reading Goblet of Fire for the 16th time that school year. So what happens when I allow my obsessive personality for my different fandoms collide? How about a definitive 1-8 list (alphabetically) of where each of our 8 handsome lads (Liam IS included here) would have been sorted had the received their Hogwarts acceptance letters.

1.) Ashton


(Ashton sporting his house colors at a Quidditch match) 

Ashton’s most recent change of attitude towards spreading peace and harmony among the world and desiring a greater impact on young lives has contributed to my decision on his placement, but it was not my sole reasoning behind it. Hufflepuff get’s a lot of shit for not being the most clever house, but they simply are the most humble and don’t brag about their successes. Their house mascot, the badger, is a passive animal who is fiercely defensive when it or it’s family is attacked, much how Ashton is over himself and his bandmates.

2.) Calum


(Calum being too cool to commit to red & gold)

Some may think that Calum fits better into Slytherin with his cocky ambience and competitive streak, but Calum gives me some serious  James Potter vibes. I can picture Calum in his maroon and gold quidditch robes, ruffling his hair, high fiving every peasant below his social status, and conjuring a box full of puppies to impress the girl of his dreams.

3.) Harry


(Harry possibly violating dress code)

Whether or not Harry is capable of the intrinsic thought processes known to Ravenclaw, he does seem to enjoy engaging in deeper and more meaningful conversations. Although he may posses many of the same qualities as the charismatic Gryffindors, they are be a bit too mainstream for him. He would feel more comfortable among the eccentric and unique characters of the Ravenclaw house.

4.) Liam


(Liam’s Yearbook photo #Confirmed)

Liam is a Gryffindor through and through (and might actually be the real Harry Potter) He is outgoing, athletic, adventurous, and most importantly he is loyal! It isn’t just those sweet chocolate eyes that have us all comparing him to a Labrador – he is fiercely dedicated to his boys, to his band, and to his team, and will fight and defend them at all costs, even if it tarnishes his own reputation.

5.) Louis


(LQ candids of Louis and classmates)

Louis is a Slytherin, but I have yet to determine if he is a true Slytherin. Like Harry (Potter that is) and Calum, I feel like his traits can be attributed to both houses. He is cheeky, can come across as arrogant to some, while protective to others. But when it comes down to it, if that hat fell upon Louis head and was torn between Gryffindor and Slytherin, without a doubt Louis would chose the way of the Serpent.

6.) Luke


(proof Luke is not a squib)

I nearly put Luke as a squib, until I realized who his family was! Luke obviously comes from a line of powerful people. A mother who posses the talents of deciphering ancient arithmetic, and two older brothers who left a legacy of brawn and looks before him. Luke is most definitely a pure blood, and although he hasn’t quite grown into his true colors yet, be rest assured that when he does, they will be green and silver.

7.) Michael


(Exclusive photo of Michael from the Lovegood family album)

The Ravenclaw welcome letter presented to members sorted into Ravenclaw on Pottermore.com reads “But geniuses are often out of step with ordinary folk…We aren’t put off by people who march to a different tune; on the contrary, we value them!” And here I find a home for Mikey. Any who knows Michael knows that he was actually very advanced in school, but found it boring and never wanted to do homework, choosing instead to play video games. That’s because Michael was doing math and science, rather than charms and transfiguration. I have no doubt that if Mikey went to Hogwarts, he would excel in the classes that he was interested in, and like every true genius, would promptly fail History of Magic.

8.) Niall


(Niall paying homage to his Gryffindor hero)

Some may want to write this ball of energy off as a Hufflepuff, and although I can’t deny that he would love having a common room near the kitchens, I think this boy is definitely a Gryffindor.  For one, Hufflepuffs do NOT show off, and Niall is quite proud of who he is and what he has accomplished. He is a mix between the best friend Ron Weasley and the number one fan Colin Creevy. Niall loves the spotlight and attention like a true Lion of the land, and although he may not be the best quidditch player, you bet he would make a great commentator ala Lee Jordon!


Alas, Voldemort’s short rein of the ministry wiped out the record of all muggleborns born between 1985-1997, so with the exception of Luke (who turned down his acceptance to seek musical training instead) none of our boys ever received their Hogwarts acceptance letters.

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Jamie Jean
25 and a whiskey fanatic. Sassy, rude, and grouchy because Harry Styles lives 5 minutes away and I’ve never seen him! I have an opinion on everything and not everyone agree’s, but I hope you find humor in my over the top obsession with music and the people who create it. LA is where it’s at, so if there is a show worth seeing, you can be sure to find me there!

    • Jamie Jean

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